Hate

Today I had a weird extreme theatre class. It was my turn to connect with my emotions, and my teacher decided I should express anger. It was really fun to do, though I got really deep into all that's stuff. It got me thinking all day long. So I was thinking I'd write about anger. About all those things that make me angry and crazy.

I hate when people tell me that I'm wrong. I hate being wrong. I hate when people push me when trying to walk among the caos of Buenos Aires. I hate public transport in Buenos Aires. I hate every single one that makes the train or subway stop. I hate when my friends shout to much. I hate it when my mother does not pay attention to me. I hate to be ignored. I hate the fact that I don't have a pet. I hate boys. Though i love boys. I hate them cause they are all the same. I hate them cause they only think about sex. I hate when they don't call. I hate when they call to much. I hate when they take you for granted. I hate when they hurt me. I hate when they don't care about be, but about what is going on in their pants. I hate them when they are superficial. I hate them when they leave. I hate them when they are slow. I hate them when they don't get it.I hate him, because he preffered her over me. I hate the fact that he didn't say goodbye or im sorry. I hate when people don't apologyze. I hate him and her girlfriend. I hate the thought of the two together living a lie.I hate that he couldn't see IM not a lie. I hate that he wouldn't love me back. I hate how he humiliated be.I hate to think about him. I hate how he still messes my head up. I hate how he controls me. I hate the fact that he could hurt me. I hate the fact that he was the only one who broke all the walls, who broke me. I hate to see couples cause I know I can't manage to sustain a relationship. I hate when they don't come looking for me. I hate when they give up so easily. I hate to hide away. I hate to be so embarrased when it comes down to two. I hate it when someone sings better than me. I hate making mistakes. I hate my mind. I hate the fact that sometimes i forget to live. I hate to be so stubborn. I hate to me so lazy. I hate to be perfectionist. I hate to hate myself. I hate heat. I hated when I'm hungry and food is not ready. I hate when my mom tells me to clean up my room. I hate it when she doesn't care about what i have to say. I hate that she is living in two places at a time. I hate when she gets crazy. I hate when she criticizes my brother. I hate when she fights with my brother. I hate when she forgets about things i asked her. I hate it when she does not go to the supermarket. I hate when she thinks she is better than me. I hate her being protective. I hate her beingso materialistic. I hate seing her sad. I hate seing how she tears herself appart. I heat people that intimidate me. I hate to feel inferior. I hate the fact that my father doesn't believe in me. I hate to be underestimated. I hate one of my "friends". I hate that she is so skinny. I hate when clothes don't fit me well. I hate dieting. I hate when I cannot sleep. I hate fish. I hate to be left aside. I hate to be distant. I hate to be cold and hide my feelings. I hate the fact that it is so hard for me to love. I hate the fact that it is so difficult for me to let people love me.

Empty

I feel this thrilling electric sensation running through my veins, but suddenly i fall, and when you fall from the peek you fall hard. Energy is drifting away from my bones, my skin, my body until there is nothing left. A feeling of emptyness, just want to spend all day covered by the sheets, acting as if life is not happening, as if time has stopped and finally has given me a break. But it doesn't feel like a break, cause is not a feeling of calmness, or relief, is a small yet growing feeling of desesperation. And I hide myself, i hide myself away from anything that could hurt my delicate heart. I call myself confident, i call myself strong, strong till someone tries to come in, tries to open me up, tries to tear  the walls I unconsciously started building up the day someone played and dared to mess up my heart. Im not that strong, cause what's the point in being strong if you let your feelings aside? I believe strong is the one who is not afraid to loose. I was strong, I had it in me, I know I still have it, but this time is buried deep inside, and meanwhile I keep on builidng the walls that are not protecting me, but banning my will to live. I want to spread my wings and fly high, I want to open, to cry. How come I cannot trust no one around me, how come I cannot believe a word you say, or anybody says. And i get into my little box I call refuge, and I cannot even cry cause you've taken all my fucking emotions, and I miss you, you, the one who broke my heart in the first place, the only one who dared crossing the walls, breaking the walls, the one that made me dream, that made me believe. Fuck you. I hate you, I hate you even more now, cause I cant carry on. Why the fuck can't I carry on? I fucking hate all about you, your stupid look , your stupid eyes and your stupid words that made me believe you were the one.